Recently my brain have been over working, it’s not a great experience. So I am just trying to type things out to help my brain to walk out of that negative cycle.

Am I a attention whore?

I mean, I hope I am not. But whenever I am not in the spotlight, I feel boring, I don’t like my friends playing games without me, when I hear them having fun, somewhere in my heart, I feel itchy.

I always try to take care of everyone in our group, I tried to join when they call for me. But they seems not to get my que when I indicate that I want to play another game I wanted to play. So I turned off my mic, can’t help but feeling a bit salty.

I guess I am just a normal guy, I know people only want to do things they “want” to do. I just sometimes… Want them to do things I did for them. Maybe I just put too much expectation on other people.

Things to do and think: If you will want others to give the same amount you do for them, you will be disappointed, so give less if you don’t want to be hurt that bad, or don’t expect that high (Which is HARD).

About work

I am working pretty hard recently, work seems to be overwhelming sometimes. I keep telling others I am okay, but somewhere in my brain. I always regret and afraid. I regret applying for too much work, I regret telling others I will finish, I regret I set my expectations too high. I am afraid of not getting it done, I am afraid of my body cannot handle the stress and work.

Overthinking is really a bad thing I want to get rid. I overthink when I rest and my body can not take proper rest. Why my brain always shows me bad-endings even though I know I can handle these work?

Maybe I should try a solution. Here is a video I will follow.

These are the thoughts that run though my mind in 1 min.

• I feel the same that I am buying my thoughts too much
• I have to do something about me
• I want to make everyone happy
• I don’t want to be a party destroyer

Here is a name I want to give my bad thoughts

THE DARK SIDE

– Skywalker, I never watched star wars though

Here is what I am going to do to the soldier of “THE DARK SIDE”, I am going to put them into my sacred gourd. My sacred gourd will kil… I mean purify them.

I will look on the thoughts I have as a observer, I can choose which one will stay, which one is from THE DARK SIDE.

I can choose “feel like a pile of dog shit and be I will be cooked by those heavy work!”, but nah, I think I will let this thought talk to my little friend.

That’s it!