2024. A Review Of A Man With Failure And Growth

🎉 2025 🎉!

When I am fighting anxious without having a job for the most of the year and trying to tell my brain to relax. 2024 sneaks by without making a bleep! For me, 2024 is a year with failure and growth. Let’s review and set up a game plan on 2025.

Photo by Svitlana on Unsplash

How’s 2024

A quick run down of 2024:

Jan. ~ Feb.

A busy and crushing beginning, work two jobs for a fairly large company, making a new App and helping their team for a sustain work flow to follow. Secretly decide to take a break after this two jobs.

Mar.

Two jobs ends. Finally taking a break but instantly feel hesitate on taking a solo trip to Japan, luckily some friends pushed me and spend the rest of the month in Japan!

Apr. ~ Jun.

Incredibly blur memories… After coming back from Japan, I remember I wanted to take a longer break, try to make my own App and game. Then my good old friends procrastination and excuses come to pay a visit, the result is getting nothing done.

July. ~ Sep.

Anxious join the crew, feeling afraid that I am not working, poke my agent asking if there is any job but get nothing. Also not working to much on my own projects, searching “how to fight anxious”, “how to find life purpose” and “stop procrastinating” on daily basis. Tried so many tech and read books, some of them is pure doo doo but some helps.

Oct. ~ Dec.

The financial anxious is gone due to crypto is up. Using this time to adjust what works for me, start to shift to a more mindfulness life-style and STILL struggling with life and existential crisis from time to time. Start to work on my projects more and begin to feel changes.

The review, and what’s next

Here are the things I am going to change when I spend time writing the yearly review above.

  • Lack of confidence, can only recall failures
  • Procrastination, excuses and using perfection as a escape to give up
  • Not living but auto-piloting
  • Not relaxing enough, trying too hard and getting nothing done

Lack of confidence, can only recall failures

This is long-time foe and I’ve trying various way to fight it. I’ve always feels I ain’t getting this project done before I even start it. I use the projects I gave up or experience of not working out to tease myself. When I look back, I found myself drowning by the emotion of failure and afraid to start doing anything since I know I can’t reach the height I expect to be.

For this, I am start to record and celebrate small wins. In 2024, I still maintain my habit of go to the gym. Though I didn’t crack my abs to six pack, I should be proud and celebrate every time I conquered the itch to stay home and watch one more Youtube video.

I am also going to make a dairy App that can serve as a reminder of these small wins, in the mean time, I am using Obsidian as a dairy and adding a W section everyday.

Procrastination, excuses and using perfection as a escape to give up

This is pretty self-explaining. I think a lots of my ideas died because I want it to be perfect. When I public it, it will popup like Faker at Worlds and save Africa out of hunger and stop Russia invade. I am gonna make my project small and minimal. I am gonna publish it and accept that it might help no one and be happy that I publish it.

When I want to procrast and making excuse, I want to be mindful, I am gonna doublecheck and confirm that I am not doing it. If I still decide not to do it, I am going to accept it and be okay with it since I make a choice.

Not living but auto-piloting

It’s kinda scary to have a couple months being blur and just disapear in my memory. I am gonna set goals on yearly basis, break down to monthly basis and then further breaking it down to daily basis, trying to track myself, these goals will contain relaxation and grinding, so I can balance my mental and see if I can tell burn-out to fuck itself.

I am also going to make a App on breaking things down to atomic level and setting interval task since I did not find a to-do App suit my need.

Not relaxing enough, trying too hard and getting nothing done

Although I did not work since March, and I have deposit that can totally survive a couple of years. I even acknowledge myself and I am sure I want to take a long break, I still live in panic, I feel jealous when others get their bonus or talking about their salaries.

I bash myself for not doing good enough on my side projects, not working hard enough and feel guilty for taking a day-off. I am not relaxing when I should be, I care too much about other’s expectations and guessing what other thinks of me. Thinking I did not deserve a rest, trying to push and squeeze more when I am already burned-out.

The first thing is to make goals to relax and take relax seriously. I do deserve these rests and I am gonna plan trips ahead, I am gonna enjoy them and be mindful when I am trying to guess how other people think or I am trying to judge myself. The point is I am going to communicate with myself more.

2025 Plans

So to be more precise, I am going to list some of my 2025 goals, and try to break it down.

  • Make a dairy App
    • For small wins
    • Daily memories
    • Mood
  • Make a App that can break things down
    • Big => Medium => Small
    • Interval
    • Reminder
  • Trips
    • Taiwan
    • Japan
    • With friends
    • Self
  • Make a small game
    • About colors
    • Top-down shooting?
    • A game that test reflection and quick thinking
  • Record things down
    • Dairy
    • Blog
    • Streaming
  • Reach Master level on Street fighter 6
    • Ken
    • Plat
    • Diamonds
    • Master

Author: Dean

A dude that is enjoy/suffering at the same time. An Otaku and an engineer, coffee and sweet lover. Also can write Android and other code.

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